Picture the scene:  Woolworths Supermarket, Woden.  A nice middle class shopping centre, Sunday afternoon.

I’m lined up in the 15 items or less express line with a friend, and we have about 25 items in a small basket.  A little old lady joins the queue behind us, with a big trolley – pushing up behind me – she is in a hurry – she may be about to meet her maker very soon.   She takes one look at our basket of 25 items, gives me a really dirty look and then shouts at the top of croaky voice – “Can’t you count!!!”

I’m an accountant,  bitch.  25 items divided by 2 people is less than 15 items each – and besides, the “15 items or less” sign is indicative, not manatory.  Especially when I am buying lots of expensive stuff, while little old ladies are buying their weekly quota of cat food.

This sort of impatience gives me amusement in Canberra.  Friend and I decided to share our place in line, while each of us did trips to grab the additional items that you always forget, until you are in the 15 items or less queue at the checkout.  I really enjoyed watching her stew…

Our recent trip to the Snowy Mountains involved a really nice dinner where I got to try some local Smoked Trout.  I previously thought that smoked trout was a particular type of trout, that had a smokey flavour.  I didn’t really think about this previously in life, as I have never tried smoked trout before – such is life when you live in cities by the sea.

I was amazed to learn that the smoky flavour is due to the fact that the fish are exposed to smoke, presumably after they are killed.  Otherwise, Greenpeace and other activist groups would be onto the case.  It would not be very good publicity if animals were being forced to smoke, in order to enhance the flavour of their meat, prior to being harvested by people. It would be kind of impossible in any case, as trout live under water, so they cannot smoke.

There was some debate at the dinner table, as I was not completely convinced about the whole issue.  I thought that some trout just tasted like they were naturally smoky.  Eventually my dinner companions convinced me by explaining that there is also smoked ham – I’ve never seen a pig smoke, so I am fairly certain that the same logic can be applied to trout.

BTW – Snowy Mountains smoked trout tastes really good, despite the cheesy fibreglass tourist trap in Adaminaby!

So much expectation.  So much disappointment.  And so bloody long.  The movie is a cross between “The Blair Witch Project” and an infomercial on late night television.

I made the mistake of only buying one glass of wine, and I was wedged into the middle of the aisle, so I was unable to get refills.  The movie was so boring that we actually made out.  After being together for two years, I reckon that is a major achievement in a movie.  “Australia” is an excellent film for lubricating your love life, especially if you want to go on a first date with someone hot.  Guaranteed make out, as the movie starts at a snails pace, and eventually you think you are in a time warp that will never end.  Countless scenes of people droving cattle back and forth across the countryside, round and round in circles, while a lonely Aboriginal elder mysteriously sits on the top of the mountain with a spear and one foot on his knee.   The only relief is when some of the characters appear to get killed off, but unlike Blair Which Project, they re-appear later down the track, so the time warp can continue…. until the point where you can hear the Dendy audience breath a sigh of relief as Darwin is totally detroyed in a bombing raid by the Japanese… surely this will be the end of the movie…. but no… horror…. it goes on for another hour or so… please just let us get out of this movie!!!

Finally the audience let’s out a “cheergroan”.  This is a mix of a cheer and a groan as Hugh says to Nic: “Now it’s time for us to head back home to the farm to live happily ever after….”.  Thank goodness the movie is over…. but wait… there’s more…. ahhhhh!!!!!   15 more minutes of sloppy sentimental music and large vistas of endless red desert.  I think we got the point over the first 2 hours and 45 minutes.  It’s worse than a late night informercial for pimple cream.

I just can’t imagine how people can justify hitting someone or breaking their jaw, or glassing them in the face, because they do not like gay people or lesbians.  And this has happened in Sydney, not Mecca or Beirut….

I really think that there is a major problem in Australian culture when compared to Europe or more develped nations.  A recent interview on ABC’s “Enough Rope” really made me realise that Australia has some huge issues, as the culture is largely homophobic, and quite willing to accept that violence against gays and lesbians is quite acceptable…  and Australian people have systematically destroyed Aboriginal culture over the last 220 years, so I hardly think it is a source of jokes or course amusement…

Kevin Bloody Wilson is thankfully a historical relic of Australian culture, but I was quite amazed to see how Andrew Denton encouraged this guy to openly make fun of lesbians, by suggesting that they just need a good fuck from a bloke.   Kevin also still thinks it is quite acceptable to make fun of Aboriginal people by calling them names. 

We are in the year 2008, not 1972.  I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing on the TV that night, so I wrote a complaint to the ABC, especially when I pay thousands of dollars in tax every month.  Here is their reply:

“Thank you for your email regarding Andrew Denton’s interview with Kevin
Bloody Wilson on Enough Rope on 13 October. Please accept my apologies
for the delay in responding to you.

The ABC regrets that you were concerned by Mr Wilson’s references to
lesbians and Indigenous Australians during this interview and considered
them to be in breach of section 2.7 of the ABC’s Code of Practice.

Kevin Bloody Wilson is a comedy singer renowned for his bawdy style of
humour and willingness to deal with taboo subjects in his songs. During
the interview, Mr Wilson demonstrated his lewd comic style on numerous
occasions, such as his account of an experience he had in Belconnen
involving a woman he described as a “thunderous diesel dyke”. I note
your concern regarding Mr Wilson’s use of the phrase, “Fuck ‘em!” in
relation to lesbians. Mr Wilson used this phrase in the following
context:

KEVIN BLOODY WILSON: I also got knocked out by a lesbian in Alice
Springs as well. They don’t sort of get it. They don’t get it.
ANDREW DENTON: But what it is they’re meant to get? You’re not exactly
showing them a great deal of respect are you?
KEVIN BLOODY WILSON: Fuck ‘em.
ANDREW DENTON: I think I rest my case.

In the ABC’s view, Mr Wilson’s use of this phrase was not a reflection
of homophobia or an encouragement of violence towards lesbians in
particular or gay people in general, as you suggest. Rather, it was a
reflection of his established comic persona and aversion towards
political correctness. On review, the ABC considers that Mr Wilson’s
remarks about lesbians, and Mr Denton’s responses to these, were
presented in a legitimate humorous context and were in line with the
provisions of the Code of Practice.

The ABC considers that the discussion later in the interview about
racism and Mr Wilson’s use of words with racist connotations was also
consistent with the provisions of the Code. Mr Wilson did not make fun
of Aboriginal people, as you suggest. Mr Denton asked him about his
definition of racism, and challenged him about his use of words such as
‘Sambo’ and ‘Coon’ in some of his songs. This prompted Mr Wilson to
express his view that he is not racist and that his use of humour
disarms the hatred and racism underpinning such words. He also expressed
his view that his audience is intelligent enough to comprehend the
humour and does not interpret his use of such words as permission for
them to use them in racist contexts.

While the ABC is satisfied that the content of this interview was in
keeping with the provisions of the Code, please be assured that your
comments have been noted and conveyed to the producers of Enough Rope
and to ABC Television management so that they are aware of your
concerns. Thank you for bringing these concerns to the ABC’s attention.

Yours sincerely

ABC Audience & Consumer Affairs

I guess that I am just a little testy when I hear stories about lesbians being raped by straight guys, or a gay guy having to spend 8 weeks in hospital because they get their face gets pulverised by a person who probably owns a Kevin Bloody Wilson CD.  I don’t think it is acceptable for a government funded program to broadcast a program that encourages a view that a lesbian getting “fucked” is a bit of bawdy fun.   It’s not acceptable, even if it means that nasty people don’t get to have a bit of a laugh.

I guess I am kind of thankful that Andrew Denton is leaving ABC, as he is obviously a bit past his used by date if he is interviewing people like Kevin Bloody Wilson.  It’s such a shame that Andrew Denton had to lower himself to such a level, after having so many good interviews over the past few years….

I can verify that there were no dogs or cats wandering around the aisles of the newsagency, trying to pick out a Christmas card for the human beings that they have to live with. 

If a cat was going to go to the newsagency, they would be browsing for the latest issue of “Birds” magazine, or maybe the latest issue of “Aquaruim Fish Monthly”.  Cats would never buy a Christmas card for their owner, as they are far more interesting in investing in new properties near national parks that have an abundance of birdlife.

Dogs are too dumb to understand any concepts related to Christmas cards or gift giving.

I am trying to imagine the type of person who would buy a Christmas card from a cat or dog to their owner.    It is so sad to think about someone waking up on Christmas day and feigning surprise at the fact that their cat has given them a Christmas card.  It’s just so sad.

The NSW government is giving working families the ability to have a gun and shoot these nasty wombats.   This is a fairly standard response from an Australian government.  Wombats are digging holes under fences and maybe building burrows underneath someone’s garden shed.  Forget the fact that these animals have been living here for thousands of years, it is far more important to reduce your maintenance expenses on your new fence or your McMansion.

When will Australian people actually realise that we need to live in our natural environment? 

I think I might be accused of being a subversive influence here, but I would generally support any underground movement by the wombats of NSW, if they are trying to fight a war on the people of NSW.  Most of the built environment in NSW consists of lots of ugly buildings, sparse suburbs and grey industrial estates, with a generous splattering of McDonalds, KFC and used car sales yards… they would be doing us a favour if they burrow their way through the majority of property throughout the state.

However, I do support the war on wombats if they ever burrow their way under the Sydney Opera House.  That might be worth protecting.

A piece of tooth fell out my mouth the other day.  The dentist confirmed that I had to have a filling of a filling to fix this up.  I’m usually a fairly reasonable patient at the dentist, but today I developed a morbid fear of the needle that makes your mouth numb.  It was unexplainable.  It was so awful, because I am usually OK with dentist needles, but I just freaked.  I completely froze and it took the dentist three attempts before she was able to get the needle into my mouth, let alone anywhere near my gum.  I was almost hyperventilating.  I felt like a 12 year old school kid.  She was so patient, but the whole episode would have made a good comedy show.  After the needle thing was done, I was fine, but the dentist was all flustered because I kept raising my hand whenever the water was choking me (like every three seconds).  It is always so uncomfortable.  The dental assistant was not very good at the suction thing, and I could tell that the HR department should also give the dentist some counselling on how to deal with subordinates.   I wanted to give both of them counselling on how to work like a team, but my mouth was full of cotton wool, lip clamps, suction sticks, probes and the dentist’s drill.   At one critical point, a piece of equipment was dropped on the ground as it was passed between the dentist and her assistant… then the dentist’s swivel chair went smashing into the side of my head as she raced to pick the implement up.  Then I got the giggles (much to their horror)…. not a good thing when there is a drill, two probes, five pieces of cotton wool and a suction tube all in your mouth at the one time… we had to stop and have a break, while I laughed and she was earning $400 an hour.  Not that funny when I think about it now.

Anyway, after 90 minutes, the filling was completed and I have another additional security problem whenever I fly, as my mouth will set off the bomb detectors at the airport. 

Also grateful that this whole episode has re-affirmed my disbelief in this silly Christian concept of “intelligent design”, where there are claims that human beings are created to be perfect by the intervention of a god.   This god must be a comedian or a total sicko, as teeth are the most troublesome awful part of the body that give you nothing but grief.  God has a very dark sense of humour, by seeing the misery of people through the ages as they die from a rotten tooth that causes blood poisoning…. these days you can pay to go to the dentist for a wonderful experience like mine.   I like to think that Charles Darwin might have a valid argument… after a few more billion years, we will evolve into creatures that do not have teeth.

My cat is a global citizen.  He came from Singapore, but he is quite at home in Sydney.  As a global citizen, he eats fusion food.  One of his favourite treats is vegemite and cheese on rice crackers.  It allows him to connect with his Asian heritage, while also affirming his new found love for Australia, in addition to pigging out on his favourite food – cheese.  He obviously has some Dutch heritage as well.

A cat with two faces was born today in Perth.  It is quite a yucky story, especially since I have been reading an amazing book by Jane Goodall, who is a respected scientist in animal behaviour.  Her book deals with how we get our food, and issues like GMO (genetically modified food).   GMO is largely untested, as we have not had enough time to realise the full implications of modifying molecules and genes in everything that we eat.  Jane Goodall highlights that some of the testing that has been done on GMO in the past has had nasty impacts on rats and other laboratory animals… but somehow our governments and regulators don’t take any action on this issue by making it mandatory for companies to disclose whether products have been genetically modified. 

Science is quite revealing.  Animals like rats and cats have a very quick life span, so it makes sense to me that GMO food would have a big impact on them in a fairly short time frame when compared to people – their genes are passed on to their children very quickly.  This makes me worry when I hear about cats being born with two faces.  Has this happened before?  Did the cat’s mother eat lots of GMO?  What does this mean to people in the future?  Are we going to see people being born with two faces?

It seems like GMO is being thrusted upon us, and we do not have a choice.  Surveys consistently reveal that people would not buy GMO food if they have a choice.  So I am quite disturbed that governments do not mandate a requirement to disclose when a food has GMO.  Give people a choice.  If people want to save a few cents/pennies on GMO food, thats fine, but people need to know what they are eating.

I think we also need to think about the precautionary principle, especially when we look at things that have been thrust upon us in the past.  Asbestos is fantastic for building products and motor vehicle brakes, but look at all the health issues that we are dealing with now.  Not to mention other problems like aerosols and formaldehyde.  Companies that made these products have been able to avoid taking any responsibility, as they are no longer around or they have devised legal structures to avoid prosecution. 

If any companies are thrusting GMO food in our face, rules should be in place to ensure they take responsibility in the longer term.  Make them pay a percentage of their revenue into a fund that can pay for future problems.  More importantly, they should be made to disclose exactly whether their products contain GMO… so we can have some real choice.

Otherwise, who is going to take care of the people who have two faces 20 years down the track – physical faces!!

Even more importantly, lots of people are two faced already, and they fuck me off.  I cannot deal with four faced people….

Click here to read about a completely stupid guy….

I used to think that St George is a very hazy, undefined area of Sydney that is more famous for it’s football team and hospital than it is for having a postcode that is recognised by Australia Post.  Or maybe St George is a bank that used to be a big strong dragon who loved Julie Anthony, but now it is about to be disabled by a sticky Wetpatch in a nasty orgy of corporate seduction… Sorry… I mean Westpac made love to the Dragon…  Or maybe St George was some significant figure in English History….

However, I am truly enlightened now – there is also a town in Queensland that is called St George.  It is out in the country, and it has it’s own mayor, whose name is Donna Stewart.  Donna got voted as mayor of the Balonney Shire Council with 1,694 votes.  Balonney Shire Council includes St George.  Maybe it also includes other towns.  But they are less significant than St George.

You may wonder why I am interested in Balonney & St George.  I was amazed to see the mayor of Balonney, as I think there is an uncanny link to the Sydney’s mayor, Clover Moore….  Take a look at these pictures…. it raises so many potential issues….

There are a few possibilities:

a) Clover Moore is moonlighting as the mayor of Balonney, as well as being the mayor of Sydney and the state member for Sydney;

b) Donna Stewart and Clover Moore are long lost sisters;

c) Australian people are smart enough to vote for the best woman or man for the job.

My interest in St George and Balonney shire was sparked by an intertesting story that examines how the mayor of Balonne is fighting to prevent the Federal government from buying water rights in the Balonne region.  Even though less than 2,000 people vote for the mayor of Balonne, they use more water than the whole of Sydney each year.   Irrigators in Balonne Shire use over 700 gigalitres of water every year.  In the meantime, the whole of Sydney’s 4 million people use less than this amount of water per year – around 630 gigalites.   Admittedly, Sydney is not a farming community, but it is quite horrifying to think about a community that is using water to such a huge extent, when there is such a huge water shortage in this country. 

The people of this community should not be blamed directly for this issue, but it would be good to see community leaders working together to fix the bigger problems for the whole country.   It seems like this community needs some outside help to develop new industries that do not need so much water.  700 gigalitres is nearly the equivalent of 2 Sydney Harbours each year – that is a shit load of water…. especially when it is highly likely that water will dry up over time in the next few years.  It seems to me that it is sensible to start cutting back on water use.  But as an entire community across the whole of Australia, we also need to look at how we an help these communities in the longer term… especially if the people have had the wisdom to vote for a Clover Moore protege!!….